Dorrie's True Story, by M.J. Beasi (2025)

1.

no one can see hershe never meant to build this wallbut it only gets biggertill she can hardly see herself at allshe is invisibleand all too visibleshe knows that she is beautifulthough she cannot quite rememberso she endures, so dutifulshe sees her face and pretends it isn't herthough she's invisibleshe's all too visibleand one day there will be one who can truly seeand all the rest proven wrongand he will kiss her and like sleeping beautyshe'll awaken and be freefrom this song that's imprisoned her so longand so she wastes awayinside the body that betrayed herperhaps he will arrive todaylook beyond the flesh and truly see hershe is invisibleuntil then she is invisibleand all too visible

2.

i don't think you knowwhen you talk to me i hear youand sometimes what is clearis not what you meant to say to mei don't think you knowhow i feel when i am near youand that no one is as dearas you are every day to meif you do knowthen i don't want to knowyou keep talking even thoughyou know it gives me painif you knew how i wish i couldn't feeland that nothing here was realwould you think i was insanei don't think you knowthat i never could deceive youand much less ever leavethough it hurts my heart to stay with youi don't think you knowthat i really don't believe youwhen you tell me that you love mei know it isn't the same way with youif you do knowthen please just let me knowi'm never good pretendingthat everything's okayif you knew just how much you mean to meoh if only you could seewould it make you run awayi don't think you know

3.

monday morning againi roll out of bed and i scratch my headi look in the mirror and i don't like what i seeis this really methis isn't me anymorea dollar fifty and i'm on my wayi think of all the things that i wanted to sayfootloose and fancy freeis this the way i was meant to bethis isn't me anymoresix thirty and i'm home againi see you lyin' on the couch and i think to myselfoh my god not this againi remember when you were my friendand i longed just to hold your handthis isn't me anymore... this isn't me anymoreand oh i trybut i don't wanna see you crywe lie in silence as we watch the televisionwaiting for the other one to be the first one to speakyou look at me- i'm too weak to see thatthis isn't you anymorei walk down to the storeto buy myself something to help me sleepyou want to talk but i'm too weakoh baby can't you see that this isn't meand oh, i trybut i don't want to see you cryyou packed your bags todaynot much was said as you were on your wayyou dried your tears and i hid minethis isn't us anymorei locked the door and i went to bedthoughts of you running through my headoh i asked you to leave and i don't know whyoh i asked you to leave and i don't know whyoh i asked you to leave and i don't know whyand oh, i trybut i don't wanna see you cryoh, i tryi'm sorry that i made you cry

4.

i open my arms wideto try to hold the oceanafraid i might go crazystaringi want to flyfeel the wind lift me up highover the oceani open my eyes wideface to face with the oceanon the ground againstaringi start to cryi am so awake and alivehere with the oceannothing can hurt mei am invinciblei can hold the ocean in my armsi open my heart wideto wash my soul in the oceanpray i don't go crazystaringjust say goodbyeyou don't have to tell me whyi will never come downi can live here foreverno one can hurt mei am invinciblei can hold the ocean in my arms

5.

he looks at mewithout seeing me at allhis eyes closed offeyelashes guarding his now anonymous lifeand i guard minecan't look him in the eye anymorewe walk down the streettwo blocks seem like twentylike strangers nowhe crafts conversation to hide the rest of his lifeand i hide minehe won't know who i am anymoreand i long just to tell himof this love that i've foundhow i float every eveninghow i'll never come downnever come downhe looks at mei'm not seeing him at allmy eyes closed offeyelashes guarding my now anonymous lifeand he's not mineand i don't care anymore

6.

i don't play games, except with youi don't tell lies, except to youand me a little bitcan't hardly stand to look at youyou take my breath awayand there you are standing right in front of me every damn daysometimes i hear your voice, and i think its minethere's a piece of me in your faceand it startles me every timei don't know what you do at nightand i don't think i want tobut i know what i do- i hang around and wait to run into youand i hear your voice and i see your faceand oh look i found me in your spaceand i don't care how and i don't care whenall i want is to see you againand i lie in bed and i'm still awakeand i know i've made this huge mistakebut i can't get out i can't leave this place'cause i know tomorrow i'll see your face againand i just can't leave you aloneand i don't know how to be aloneand i hope you know what i'm doing hereor i hope you don't, that's not quite clearand i don't know what you meant to saybut i hope it wasn't meant that wayand i'm sorry if i scared you, dearbut i thought that i might find you herewhen you see yourself, tell me can you seethat piece inside your face that's really me?i don't play games.

7.

don't know where i amor where i'm goingdon't know who i ambut i know youdon't know what i seeor what's around medon't know who i'll bebut i know who'll be with me'cause its you who can see mewhen i can't see myselfand its you who'll reach out your handand help me be myselfdon't know what to sayor how to say iti've got this song to playand its for youdon't know where to goor how to get therebut somehow i just knowthat you'll be there when i show'cause its you who can see mewhen i can't see myselfand its you who'll reach out your hand and help me be myselfyou help me be myselfdon't know where i amor where i'm goingdon't know who i ambut i know you

8.

i don't know how to get through this dayi keep thinking of youof your hands, the back of your headyour face in the dark of the bedand i cryand i sleepand start over againi just can't seem to put this awayi keep waiting for youfor some answer, some signof what used to be minein the silencei can't sleepplease let me start over againi don't know how to go onand i know that i will, but right now i can't seehow i was so wrongall i hear is your voice when you said that you loved mei don't know how we got here todayi keep thinking of youof your hands, the back of your headyour face in the dark of the bedand i cryand i sleepand start over againi want to start over againplease let me start over again

9.

looking over the edge of timeshe saw him standing far belowshe thought she could reach himbefore he had to gobut she stayed there, gazing downalthough she knew that it was wrongtoo afraid to look awayshe had waited for so longsometimes she dreams himhis eyes shining in the nightthe mirror crashes downhe tells her its all righthis fingertips are softshe holds them for a whilehis warmth is in her breathher heart is in his smileone day she thought she heard his voicebut she only heard her ownshe thought she saw his eyesbut inside was dark and coldthe wind would touch her cheek that nightand oh- she hopes for himand oh- she waits for himlooking over the edge of timehe is fading far belowshe knows she can't reach himshe knows he has to goand she can't recall his faceand she cannot hear his songshe turns to walk awayshe has waited far too long

10.

you know i need a place where i can take off my shoesand how i got here, i'll never knowbut now that i'm leaving i have to saythough it wasn't hard to choosei'll miss it in my wayi'll miss youand i'll miss that egg sandwich from the cornerand i'll miss the train, i don't know whyand i'll miss those three dollar umbrellasbut now its time to say goodbyeand i'll miss our coffee in the afternooni'll miss the way you let me cryand i'll miss the music in your living roombut now i have to say goodbyeso goodbye sandwichgoodbye umbrellagoodbye train i don't know whyand goodbye coffeegoodbye living roomgoodbye all those tears i cried- goodbyefor my love awaits me in the mountainswhere the stars light up the skyand his voice fills my heart with laughterso now i've got to say goodbyeand the rain, it washes out my angerand the tears out of my eyesand the air fills my soul with musicso now its time to say goodbyeand hello mountainshello laughterhello light filling the skyand hello musichello rainhello my love- i just have to say goodbye

released July 1, 2022

Eyeball Man Records

M.J. Beasi- vocals, guitar
Katie McEntee- backing vocals
James Jacobs- cello, bass, recorders, and cool arrangements of such
Robert Derby- guitars and electric bass on "i don't think you know"
Ralph Grasso- drums and shakers on "i don't think you know"

All songs by M.J. Beasi, except for "This Isn't Me" by Lisa Stephen Friday

Produced by M.J. Beasi
Engineered by Ralph Grasso at Tube Town
Mixed by Ralph and M.J.
Mastered by Robert Derby

Cover Artwork by Andrew Romatz.
Eyeball Man Records logo by Andy World.